Tuning Into What You Really Want While Dating
You might not have a checklist for the people you date. That’s something that’s often better left for romantic comedies. But, while you might not want to go looking for someone who “checks all of the boxes,” it is important to make sure you know what you really want while dating. That might seem obvious, right?
Well, not necessarily.
Maybe you’ve just had bad luck in the dating world, and you’re ready to tune into what you really want. Maybe you’ve been in a few bad relationships. Or, maybe you just got out of a long-term relationship, and you feel like you’ve lost a piece of yourself.
So, how can you do that?
Take a Look at Your Values
Before diving into the dating world again, consider your core values. In this case, it might actually be helpful to make a list. It’s often easy to lose sight of what we believe in or what matters to us when we’re with a different person. Circles of friends, family members, and even society itself can influence your values, too. But, deep down, those values will always be there. Things will likely start to fall apart when you date someone who doesn’t match up with them. Before that happens, decide what those core values are, and be determined to stick to them from the very beginning of your next relationship.
Take a Look at the Past
It can be challenging to look at past relationships and think about what went wrong. While you might be tempted to blame past partners solely, you should also look internally and determine what you could’ve done differently too. Maybe you’re falling into unhealthy relationship patterns without realizing it. Maybe you have a “type” that isn’t healthy for you. Whatever the case, examining those past relationships can help you learn what you want to avoid in the future.
Look at Other Couples
Are there any strong couples in your circle of friends or family that you really admire? What makes their relationship great? No couple is perfect. Even the healthiest and happiest couples argue and disagree about things. Consider talking to some of those couples and finding out what helps them stay connected and work through difficult times together. But it’s how they work through those disagreements that make a difference. There is a “right” way to fight, and healthy couples know how to do it. You can learn a lot about what you want in a relationship simply by listening to those who you look up to.
Spend Some Time Alone
If you’re reading this, you might have just gotten out of a relationship, and you want to get back out there, or you’re tired of failed relationships and dates. If that’s the case, take a deep breath and consider stepping back from the dating world for a while. Focus on being more self-aware, and take care of yourself—physically and mentally. Spending time alone takes a lot of pressure away from your thoughts. That alone time can also make it easier to determine who you are, what you want, and what matters most to you in a relationship. When you’re focused on your sense of self, you’re less likely to worry about your next relationship.
If you’re still struggling to tap into what you want while dating, don’t feel like you have to do it alone. Sometimes, a neutral party is exactly what’s needed to help you peel back a few protective layers and dive deeper into who you are and what you need. Feel free to contact me for more information or to set up an appointment.
