Relationship Counseling
Are You Struggling To Feel Connected Or Set Boundaries With Loved Ones?
Is it hard for you to openly express yourself? Do differing perspectives sometimes make you feel distant or unseen by your partner or other loved ones? Are the everyday stressors of life putting strain on your relationships?
If you’re like most modern women, the fast pace of life may be leaving you feeling unhappy, frustrated, and overwhelmed. Maybe there’s little time left over for you to focus on your relationship with your partner. Or perhaps you feel like the contributions you make to the relationship go unacknowledged. However, when you try to express your concerns, you might find it difficult to articulate how you feel, especially if your partner doesn’t share your perspective.
Looking back, you might have trouble pinpointing when or how you grew apart. All you know is you feel misunderstood and disconnected.
People Pleasing May Be Causing Unhappiness
Sadly, an inability to communicate your needs might not be limited to your partner. You might lack boundaries with others in your life, such as your children, parents, extended family, and friends. If you rely on people pleasing as a way to keep the peace, you likely feel overly obligated to say yes to things you might not have the time or energy to do.
Lacking the confidence to assert yourself means everyone else comes first. Suddenly life feels out of control. In your quest to make everyone happy, no one is happy, including yourself. Even though you might believe you could benefit from relationship counseling, you may put it off because you’re conditioned to put others’ needs first. When we lack healthy boundaries, we commonly feel as though there’s no time left in the day for ourselves.
The good news is that relationship counseling can help you set healthy boundaries. Getting an objective perspective from an unbiased counselor allows you to see the bigger picture and make positive changes that will benefit you and your relationships.
We Don’t Always Learn The Best Ways To Communicate
We are all wired for connection and thrive when we feel well-supported and understood by our loved ones. Unfortunately, we don’t always experience the connection and closeness we crave. Sometimes our relationships fail due to a lack of intimacy, vulnerability, and authentic expression. And when we don’t feel heard, we suffer emotionally.
We’re often unaware of how much we are products of our upbringing. The inherent limitations of what we were modeled as children may be hindering us as adults. Things like unhealthy communication styles—such as passive-aggressive avoidance or an inability to express needs—may unknowingly show up in our own relationships later in life. Although we’re doing the best we can, the way we were taught to communicate, identify and discuss our feelings, and solve arguments or misunderstandings can have a long-term effect on how we relate to others.
Our Expectations May Be Unrealistically High
What often adds to our stress is the pressure we face to juggle work and home responsibilities while maintaining a close connection to our loved ones. Our frantic “go-go-go” culture expects us to be the perfect spouse, mother, daughter, and friend. Further, the false narrative perpetuated by social media has added yet another layer of underlying pressure to our lives. But when we put the expectation on ourselves to be perfect at everything, we seldom meet our own high standards.
No matter what sorts of issues are coming up in your relationships, counseling can help you take a step back and get much-needed perspective. The insight you will gain working with a therapist can help you develop better communication skills and set healthy boundaries in your relationships.
Relationship Counseling Offers Helpful Strategies To Improve Communication
When you are dissatisfied with your close relationships, it can feel isolating. If a significant relationship has recently ended, you might not know what to do next. More than anything, you may be craving a time each week where you will be fully heard and validated.
Therapy provides you with a nonjudgmental environment where you can speak freely and openly. In this space, you’re invited to laugh or cry—or sometimes both—about your challenges. Working together, we will develop new ideas and strategies to improve the quality of your relationships while cultivating self-compassion and self-acceptance. Here, you can rediscover yourself.
The process of unpacking relationship issues in counseling takes some objective self-examination. When you allow me to challenge you on your stance or actions that may be getting in the way of deeper connection with others, real progress can be made. I aim to help you better understand your role in the struggles you’re having, explore their historical context, and empower you to hold yourself accountable for your progress.
What To Expect In Sessions
In our initial counseling sessions together, we will gather information about your social history, assess the nature of your relationship issues, identify your goals, and create a treatment plan collaboratively. If, for example, you need help setting boundaries, I may challenge you to exercise assertiveness, mindfulness, and self-compassion before saying yes to others. Permitting yourself to prioritize your own needs rather than feeling obligated to always put others first will bolster your self-esteem and improve your outlook.
Sometimes our bodies react to things without our notice. Emotional regulation techniques will offer new ways of staying focused in the present moment before reacting. When you learn to pause and check in with what’s happening physiologically, you will bring awareness to your reaction before responding emotionally. Recognizing these cues early can help you develop better ways of communicating.
We all carry baggage into relationships based on what was modeled to us growing up. Together, we will explore the historical influences that may impede your ability to cultivate healthy relationships presently. By gaining awareness of these influences and patterns, you will be able to better articulate your viewpoint and experiences with your partner or other loved ones and gradually start to make shifts away from unhealthy relationship patterns. Once you can explain the reason why perhaps you shut down emotionally or become triggered by something they say, you can begin to communicate openly and vulnerably. This in turn will bring you closer.
The Modalities I Use
I utilize Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) as a method to alter negative and unhelpful thinking and behavioral patterns that no longer serve you. CBT strategies can help you use problem-solving skills to cope with difficult situations, recognize distortions in your thinking that create barriers connecting with others, and gain a better understanding of your behavior and motivations and those of others.
Relationship counseling allows you to learn to face your challenges and develop a greater sense of confidence in connecting with your loved ones. You have the power to manage your emotions, create boundaries, and find better, more effective ways of expressing yourself.
But You May Wonder If Relationship Counseling Will Be A Good Fit For You…
I don’t have time to see a relationship counselor.
In today’s busy world, it’s common to talk yourself out of relationship coaching simply because there’s not enough time in the day. But the first step in creating healthy boundaries is putting yourself first. Making your mental health and wellness a priority will pay off in dividends in the long run. Additionally, you get to decide how often to commit to relationship counseling. I am happy to come up with a schedule that suits you and offer telehealth sessions as needed.
What if someone finds out I'm in counseling for relationship problems?
You are not alone. An average of over 40 million US adults seek therapy annually. Many of us struggle with issues in relationships and seek counseling to address self-doubt, lack of confidence, low self-esteem, balancing work/life stress, and navigating life transitions. Additionally, untreated depression and anxiety can affect how we relate to others. Before we can feel connected with others, we first need to address any issues that prevent us from being connected to ourselves.
The last time I tried working with a therapist, it didn’t improve my relationships.
Not every therapist will be the right fit. Individual therapy for relationship issues can only be successful when you find a therapist who you connect with. Maybe your previous counselor didn't understand your relationship issues like another counselor will. Or perhaps the last time you were in therapy, you weren't open to being challenged on your beliefs or actions. No matter the reason, if you are thinking about therapy again, give it another try. You may find the right therapist for you at just the right time.
You Can Develop Closer Connections With The Ones You Love Most
The objective perspective of a therapist is often just what you need to improve your relationships. If you would like to find out more about relationship counseling with me to see if we’re the right fit, you can schedule a free 15-minute consultation through my contact page.