How to Have Healthy Conflict in Your Relationships
The words “healthy conflict” might not immediately seem to go together, especially when it comes to relationships. No one likes arguing or disagreeing with people they care about. It can lead to frustration, hurt, and even rifts in those relationships—romantic or otherwise.
But there is such a thing as healthy conflict, and it can actually strengthen your relationships rather than tear them down. Let’s take a closer look at how to have healthy conflict in your relationships and how it can boost your bond with the people you love.
Take a Break
When you disagree about a particular subject, it’s easy to let your frustration (or even your anger) get the best of you. You’re more likely to say things you don’t necessarily mean when it does. You might speak solely out of anger rather than giving your argument much thought. Unfortunately, these knee-jerk reactions often turn civil disagreements into something more hostile.
Conflicts should never be pushed under the rug. Trying to avoid them or press your feelings down isn’t the way to go. In fact, it will likely make things worse as your emotions start to take over. But if you need time to cool off and collect your thoughts, do it! Simply express to your partner, friend, or family member that you need some space, and ask if you can revisit the conversation in a few minutes or hours. You might be surprised by how much taking some time away from the heat of the conversation can make a difference.
Stay On Topic
One of the biggest mistakes people make when disagreeing is bringing up past hurts. It’s especially problematic in romantic relationships. Bringing up past arguments indicates that you haven’t really forgiven that person for what happened. They might think you’re still holding a grudge or that you’ll never let them off the hook. When you bring up past problems, you’re essentially adding fuel to the fire of your conflict. Stay on topic, and focus on only discussing the current conflict.
Use “I” Statements
It’s easy to let your feelings take the wheel when you’re in the midst of conflict. Even if the person you’re arguing with makes you feel angry, hurt, or frustrated, don’t attack them with “you” statements. If you do, they’re likely to get defensive, which can create even more conflict between you. Instead, focus on using “I” statements to tell them how you feel. Bringing the focus back to your feelings without pointing fingers is a great way to de-escalate the situation without hurting anyone’s feelings.
Be an Active Listener
At the end of the day, it’s important to remember that you’re probably on the same team as the person you’re arguing with. It might not feel like it in the moment. But a conflict doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed. When you keep that idea in mind, it’s easier to show respect throughout the disagreement and to be an active listener. You wouldn’t want someone to tell you how they feel and offer their opinion without giving you a chance to open up, too. So, as challenging as it might be at first, choose to listen. What they have to say might not change your opinion or sway you at all. But it can offer a new perspective and let you know where that person is coming from.
Conflict doesn’t have to be a bad thing. There are so many ways to argue effectively. When you choose to do it with respect and understanding that there doesn’t need to be a “winner,” you can strengthen your relationships through disagreements and learn how to be a better communicator with the people you love.
