Collaborative Divorce Coaching

Do You Wish There Was A Way To Ensure Your Divorce Remains Amicable?

Are you reeling from the stress of an imminent divorce? Does figuring out how to break up assets and split custody of your children feel overwhelming? Is it difficult to imagine hammering out a reasonable parenting plan due to unaddressed resentments and bitterness with your ex?

If you’re divorcing your spouse, you may feel anxious about the unknowns and potential implications. The idea of splitting up assets—and, perhaps, selling the family home—is daunting enough, but the real challenge is wrapping your head around what your family’s “new normal” will look like with two separate households. As much as you want to put your children’s best interests first, there might be a lot to process between you and your spouse.  

Perhaps You’re Still Reeling Emotionally From Your Separation

Making plans for the future isn’t always easy. It’s natural to be in mourning over the loss of your marriage and need time to come to terms with the anger and grief you’re feeling. If you’re still harboring residual bitterness over the separation that you haven’t yet addressed, it could negatively impact your plans to co-parent.

There may be reasons you are resistant to the idea of splitting custody with your ex. Perhaps they have a new partner who also has children, or you might question whether they’re equipped to handle the responsibility of parenting on their own. But more than anything, you worry about how these family changes will affect your kids.

Despite your misgivings, deep down, you know that what’s most important is the well-being of your children. Fortunately, Collaborative Divorce Coaching offers invaluable assistance in guiding you through the process of reaching an equitable divorce settlement and parenting plan with your ex, thereby providing long-term amicability and stability for your family’s future.

Alternative Dispute Resolution Methods Are Gaining Traction

Sadly, almost 50 percent of first marriages will end in divorce. What’s more, the likelihood of divorce increases exponentially with each subsequent marriage. [1] Despite how common divorce is, the traditional process of litigating divorce in our country is often protracted, expensive, and contentious. Although many couples begin proceedings on relatively amicable terms, they often turn against each other by the end.

Rather than taking the traditional route to dissolution, “a recent Custody X Change study found that 93 percent of divorcing parents tried an alternative dispute resolution method (ADR), such as divorce mediation.” [2] With a Collaborative Divorce, “couples can negotiate a mutually acceptable resolution without having courts decide the issues.” [3] When couples are more involved in the process and remain child-centered, aligned in their long-term goals of maintaining good communication and co-parenting, they can ensure a better outcome for themselves and their children. 

The Benefits Of A Collaborative Divorce 

When you embark on a Collaborative Divorce, a team of professionals are assembled who are each committed to helping you and your spouse reach an equitable resolution to all aspects of your dissolution, including dividing assets and developing a co-parenting plan.

A Collaborative Divorce team includes:

  • A Collaborative Attorney to represent each party;

  • A certified Collaborative Divorce Coach who meets with you individually;

  • A Child Specialist who meets with your child(ren) and helps advocate for their wants and needs, ensuring that their concerns are addressed;  

  • A Financial Specialist who will help you develop a workable division plan.

Working collaboratively, your divorce won't be a battle between two sides but, instead, a team effort. When you agree to a collaborative divorce proceeding, it usually minimizes the amount of time you spend in court and, as a result, reduces the overall cost of your divorce.  

Collaborative Coaching Offers Couples The Resources They Need To Divorce Amicably

As a parent, you want to rise above any petty squabbles you may have with your spouse for the sake of your family’s future. Understandably, that can be hard to do when emotions are running high, and there is so much at stake. 

As a certified Divorce Coach and Licensed Mental Health Therapist, I can help you identify goals for your divorce. I will provide you with the professional and therapeutic resources you need to make decisions with a long-term family and child-centered focus. With collaborative divorce coaching, you and your spouse can successfully transition from sharing your lives together to co-parenting in two separate households. 

How Does A Collaborative Divorce Coach Help You?

The role of a Collaborative Divorce Coach is to help you process and gain control over the overwhelming feelings that are often triggered by separation and divorce. I will help you identify those things within your control, work on communicating with your spouse calmly and amicably, and stay future-focused on the needs of your family. As your Divorce Coach, I will help you to provide input on the parenting plan and ensure that your child’s developmental needs are considered. 

By acknowledging how a family represents a complex system of interconnected relationships, you will begin to view yourself as a smaller part of the greater whole. This allows you to focus on the give-and-take nature of family dynamics, consider compromise, and take responsibility for your actions. 

Coaching sessions may include:

  • Identifying and prioritizing your most pressing concerns regarding the divorce and custody arrangements;

  • Distinguishing legitimate needs from wants to expedite your ability to compromise;

  • Providing support as you move through loss, grief, and anger;

  • Coaching to help you stay present and future-focused and avoid emotional setbacks that could interfere with the Collaborative Divorce process;

  • Understanding what the relationship dynamics with your spouse currently are and offering helpful strategies to improve your communication;

  • Providing education about what a workable co-parenting plan looks like as well as helping you implement a collaborative co-parenting strategy; 

  • Facilitating the progression of the collaborative process and helping convey your concerns to the rest of the team to avoid roadblocks to resolution.

Other Things To Know About A Collaborative Divorce

Deciding to pursue a collaborative divorce means you are willing to use good faith efforts to reach a mutually acceptable settlement. In pursuit of this goal, you both agree to be transparent throughout the process and disclose all relevant information regarding your assets, desires for custody, etc. The Collaborative Divorce Coach will assist the team by assessing your readiness to participate in the collaborative process, providing insights related to strengths and barriers, and advocating in the best interest of you and your family. Any contested court proceeding terminates the collaborative process. 

As a Collaborative Divorce Coach and Child Specialist, I aim to improve communication between you and your spouse and offer an understanding of the developmental needs of your children. With a neutral perspective, we will work as a team with other collaborative professionals to help you get through this transition in your family peacefully. 

But You May Wonder Whether Collaborative Divorce Coaching Is Right For You…

What if my spouse won’t agree to work with a Collaborative Divorce Coach with me?

The crux of Collaborative Divorce, which includes certified Divorce Coaching, is for both parties to participate. If your spouse won’t agree to couples mediation, there are other options you can explore. Working with a therapist during the dissolution process can help you process your emotions, come to terms with the grief surrounding the end of your marriage, and provide you with an outside perspective that can guide you to make thoughtful decisions and changes in the future.

Will what we talk about in Collaborative Divorce Coaching remain confidential?

Choosing a Collaborative Divorce Coaching approach means that you agree to transparency. As part of the process, your Divorce Coach will share their assessment of your readiness to participate in the process—along with whatever strengths, barriers, or setbacks you may have—with the other Collaborative Professionals. They may provide important considerations related to communication styles, fears, and wants with the team in an effort to ensure a successful collaborative process and outcome for you and your family. However, the Divorce Coach will also ensure that any private thoughts and feelings you share with them remain confidential. 

Why not go the traditional route with our divorce?

The court process can be long and expensive. Collaborative Divorce is a more economical alternative to dividing your assets and creating a parenting plan. Moreover, participating in Collaborative Divorce with professionals trained in divorce mediation ensures that you have a voice in the outcomes that affect your family and children. Utilizing a collaborative coach instead of engaging in adversarial litigation ensures the divorce proceedings remain amicable. But most importantly, the emotional benefit that a low-conflict divorce will have on your children in the long term is reason enough to try.

You Can Avoid A Lose-Lose Divorce

Now is the time for each of you to get on the same page for the benefit of the children and the long-term well-being of your family. To learn more about Collaborative Divorce Coaching and couples mediation with Resolve Mediation and Therapy, either in person or online, you can email me. 

[1] https://www.forbes.com/advisor/legal/divorce/divorce-statistics/

[2] https://www.mediate.com/what-the-statistics-tell-us-about-divorce-and-custody-mediation/

[3] https://www.collaborativepractice.com/

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