4 Tips to Repairing a Sexless Marriage
Sex isn’t the most important part of a healthy marriage. But, make no mistake — it should be some part. People like to lighten the subject of marital sex by suggesting things like “the spark has gone out” or even joking about how infrequently they share those intimate moments.
But it’s really no laughing matter. A sexless marriage often indicates there’s something bigger going on beneath the surface.
Maybe it’s a lack of communication. Maybe your needs or wants have changed. Or, maybe it does feel like that “spark” has gone out, and you’re not sure what to do about it.
If that sounds familiar, don’t assume your marriage is doomed. There are things you can do to repair a sexless marriage.
1. Talk About Sex
Right off the bat, you should be talking about your sex life with your spouse. Far too many couples avoid this conversation because it’s uncomfortable. Some might even consider it “taboo”. But, if you don’t address your sexual relationship, both of you will stay in the dark about it.
Address any problems or issues with “I” statements instead of blaming your partner. Express your needs, wants, and willingness to try new things. While it might feel a bit awkward at first, you’ll quickly find as you both open up that you can learn a lot about each other and improve your connection in the bedroom.
2. Communicate
Of course, your conversations shouldn’t solely surround sex. If you’re struggling with communication issues the rest of the time, that will carry over into your sex life.
Communication is so important in a healthy relationship. Unfortunately, staying connected in today’s busy world is not always easy. Try setting aside time each day to dedicate to each other without distractions. Or, find little ways to stay connected throughout the day.
Consistent communication will bring closeness, honesty, trust, and increased intimacy.
3. Adopt an Attitude of Gratitude
Sometimes, a sexless marriage occurs because you’re focused on everything “wrong” with your relationship or your partner.
Having realistic expectations for your relationship is healthy. But, if you find yourself upset with just about everything your partner does, or you feel like it’s not enough, it could be that you have the wrong perspective when it comes to your relationship.
If your needs aren’t being met, address it. Otherwise, choose to adopt an attitude of gratitude. Focus on the things you’re grateful for within your relationship. What does your partner get right, and how do they make your life better?
Feeling grateful can improve your overall mood, benefit your relationship, and lead to a healthier sex life.
4. Talk to a Professional
If you feel like bigger issues are contributing to your sexless marriage, don’t hesitate to talk to a mental health professional about them. Marriage counseling or individual therapy can make a big difference in your relationship. You’ll learn skills you can use immediately and throughout the rest of your lives together.
A therapist can help you get to the root cause of those issues so you can begin working on them from the ground up. It’s not always easy to open up to someone new, especially about marital issues or your sex life. But, a neutral third party can help you realize exactly what’s going on beneath the surface so you and your partner can make active, effective changes.
If you’re tired of living in a sexless marriage and you think a bigger issue might be causing it, feel free to contact me for more information. Together, we’ll uncover those potential issues and work on strategies that can help you and your spouse foster intimacy and the sex life you want.
