How Divorce Impacts A Family
Divorce is never an easy thing to decide to do. You spent time building a life with this person, creating memories with them, and planning for the future. Yet when it all comes crashing down, it can feel like a heavy weight is on your heart and soul.
Should we go through with this? How will our children react? Is our marriage fixable, or is it beyond repair?
These and a million other questions and concerns are probably cycling through your heads relentlessly. Especially when you share children with this other person, it can feel like an impossible choice to make. With so much to consider, it can feel like you don't know the right choice. Here are some things to consider when you are considering divorce.
How Will Divorce Affect Our Family?
There's no straight answer to this. Every family situation is different, and what is right for one may not be right for the other. There are some key questions you can ask yourselves regarding your family and its future.
● If we divorce, how will we split time evenly between us? Every other weekend? Every other week?
● If one of us plans on moving to another school district, how would we handle that?
● What about ensuring our children have time split evenly between both their families?
● How will we parent them when they live under two separate roofs?
These are all huge questions that can catalyze more extensive conversations. If it gets too tense with differing opinions, only dwell on one topic briefly and try to answer some of the others.
Don't Be Afraid To Take Your Time
This isn't a decision that comes naturally or easily for anyone. Regardless of the reasons, it takes a lot for a couple to admit that their marriage isn't working anymore. In the same breath, that doesn't mean you must rush into any decision immediately.
If talks of divorce are just beginning, you don't need to feel pressure to take action immediately. Try separating for a while and just temporarily seeing how that works. Time apart can either help you see that things can be fixable or that it is better to end the marriage.
Make This Your Decision Together, Not Anyone Else's
There can be all this noise surrounding a potentially divorcing couple. Both families will want to be involved, sometimes giving unsolicited advice. While they all might mean well, the truth is, this is your decision and no one else's. When we let all the background noise get in the way, it can sometimes cloud our judgment—making a decision harder to reach. This is also why taking your time with this decision is important.
Talk To Your Children
A final point I would like to make. This decision will impact your family in every way possible. And while the decision is ultimately up to you two, your children should still feel like they have a say. Divorce is never anything that should just be sprung on children of any age. Together, as a family, sit down and talk to them. Let them know that this decision does not mean they aren't loved or valued. Sometimes, things work out differently than we planned.
Talk to them about potential living arrangements, potential school changes, and when they would spend time with the other parent. Regardless of your decision, never talk down or bad about the other parent. This will lead to resentment and hostility towards both of you.
Divorce may seem like the only option, but it doesn't have to be. In Discernment Counseling, I can help you explore all the options you may have to find the best possible solution for you and your family. Let's connect soon so I can help you feel supported and guided during this time.
