5 Ways To Set Healthy Boundaries In Your Relationship

No matter the type of relationship, it should have boundaries for both people. Whether it is with a romantic partner, friend, family member, or coworker, setting boundaries is really important. When set and expressed, boundaries are an important part of ensuring the relationship stays healthy and not toxic. But sometimes, we don't have these boundaries in place. There needs to be a give-and-take that happens within our relationships. Maybe it is a family member, and your connection and familial tie make you think it's wrong to set a certain boundary. Or maybe it's a friend you've known for years, and you don't want to risk the friendship ending.

Most people think setting a boundary means saying "No." While learning to say no is definitely a boundary, there are many more ways to set boundaries. First, let's go over some common areas where boundaries need to be set. And then, I want to give you practical tips for setting boundaries in your relationships.

Types Of Boundaries

There are six common areas people will set boundaries.

●       Emotional

●       Sexual

●       Physical

●       Digital/Social Media Expectations

●       Religious/Spiritual

●       Material

Obviously, not every single one of these areas will apply to each of your relationships. But, when they are present in them, they can definitely factor into your happiness level with the friendship.

How To Set Boundaries

Communicate Them

It would be nice (or maybe not) if we could read other people's minds. Since we can't do that, communicating is necessary for every relationship out there. You might know what boundaries you need to set, but they only work if you express them. You don't have to verbally say, "This is a boundary, and I am setting it," but the meaning behind what you are conveying will eventually be understood. When setting these boundaries, it's helpful to use "I" statements rather than "You" because the latter can sometimes come across as accusatory. "I wish you wouldn't talk about my personal business with other people," instead of, "You are always spreading my business around to other people," have two completely different tones.

Be Consistent With Them

We'll use the example above for this. You are setting the boundary that you do not want your news or business to be the latest gossip column. Maybe the person you said this to understood it the first time. Or maybe things creep up again after so much time has passed. Express your dislike again over your personal information from being spread around. And if it does keep happening, don't be afraid to tell them they will no longer have access to you in that way. They may be hurt if you aren't sharing personal details about your life, but you also need to put yourself first.

Remember, It's Not Selfish To Put Yourself First

Most of us genuinely want the best for our relationships. We don't want to hurt anyone or cause any strain on the people we care for most. But that doesn't mean you should sacrifice your own personal happiness and well-being. Boundaries are sometimes not set because we want to protect the person's feelings or feel our connection to them means there shouldn't be any boundaries. As challenging as they are to set, they are necessary to have a healthy relationship.

If you are struggling with your relationships because lines keep getting crossed, that doesn't mean it needs to stay like this. If you need help learning how to set boundaries or even understanding what boundaries you need to set—let me help you. I can give you the support and guidance to set boundaries with relationship counseling, reach out when you are ready.